LAUNCH PARTY COMING SOON!! & A Long-Distance FAQ with A Couple Who Survived a 5.5 year Distance Relationship

I’ve gotten a lot of questions about long-distance relationships from people when they hear that my collection of short stories is about couples who date across the distance. So I figured that I’d answer some of those questions leading up to the launch party for “Across The Distance” on July 21st!!

QUESTION: How did you encourage each other when one or the other was going through something tough?

ANSWER: This is a great question. Since we couldn’t be there in person most of the time. (We saw each other in person 9 times over the span of 5.5 years. NINE TIMES, you guys!?! Crazy right?)

Whenever we were going through tough things. We’d talk about it. Sometimes their would be tears and wishing for hugs. But long-distance relationships are a lot like same-place relationships in that we all go through hard things. The only difference is that the couple who is dating across the distance they can’t hug each other or cuddle on the couch while watching a movie with pizza after a hard day. They can watch a movie together but it’s not exactly the same!

Some things we did to help each other out/be there for each other:

  • Had flowers and chocolates delivered
  • Sent snail mail letters with puzzle pieces in it. (Yes, I actually did that. You might recognize this from my story “My Missing Puzzle Piece” which is a part of the collection!!
  • We set up times to chat and kept our date nights.
  • Speaking of date nights. We’d get dressed up and make supper together with our computers in front of us! It was pretty fun! Even though doing it in the same place would have been more fun! 🙂

QUESTION: How do you keep the romance alive when so far away from each other?

ANSWER: haha… this is a good question. Seriously, you guys. There was a time when Johan and I first started dating across the distance that I was worried that we’d sooner or later run out of things to talk about. I mean is that even possible?!?

I soon learned that it’s completely normal to not always be talking. haha… I mean, you know how you just chill on the couch together in silence, being in each other’s presence? It’s totally healthy.

Now, when it comes to keeping the romance alive, it’s super important to know your partner’s love language. There are 5 love languages out there (and honestly, I recommend knowing your other family members and friends love languages too.) It’s the best way to find out how to love your people best.

Here’s a very short run through on the 5 love languages:

  • WORDS: You love words of affirmation. You love, love letters and poems. You love those sweet texts that your partner sends you.
  • GIFTS: This one is easy to know. You love gifts. Getting and receiving them.
  • SERVICE: You love helping and serving people. You feel loved when people help and serve you.
  • TIME: This is quality time and you love spending time with your loved one.
  • TOUCH: You love to hold hands, hug, and kiss.

Couples usually end up having different love languages than each other. So, it’s easy to think your partner loves the same way you do, but that isn’t true. If you don’t love your partner in their love language then they will feel less loved. They know you love them, but when you show love to them through their love language your relationship will sing.

If you want to find out what love languages you and your partner have, I recommend reading the book “The Five Love Languages – The Secret To Love That Lasts.”

It’s seriously an amazing book. You can also go online and take the 5 love languages test, which is great too, but definitely get the book too!!!

QUESTION: Do you think there is a time limit for long-distance relationships?

ANSWER: For Johan and I, we ultimately wanted to be together and to get married, so we new there needed to be a “long-distance” limit. A date or time when we could “FINALLY” be together for good.

We knew Johan had to finish college, so we knew that was going to be so many years. So we aimed for a time after he finished school.

So to answer this question, I believe it’s good to have goals of when you’ll see each other again. And a goal of when the distance can close so you can be together for good. It’s hard, but so good once you close the distance.

QUESTION: Do you think there is a time limit for long-distance relationships?

ANSWER: For Johan and I, we ultimately wanted to be together and to get married, so we new there needed to be a “long-distance” limit. A date or time when we could “FINALLY” be together for good.

We knew Johan had to finish college, so we knew that was going to be so many years. So we aimed for a time after he finished school.

So to answer this question, I believe it’s good to have goals of when you’ll see each other again. And a goal of when the distance can close so you can be together for good. It’s hard, but so good once you close the distance.

QUESTION: Does it feel like more freedom or more like worrying about what the significant other is doing.

ANSWER: This is a good question. And a hard one to answer… I don’t think any couple goes into a relationship wanting more freedom. But trust is a HUGE part of successful relationships. Even when going through tough things. I know everyone handles these things differently, but for Johan and I, we trusted each other and then aimed to not put ourselves in weird situations that would give reason to doubt or mistrust each other. Of course sometimes one can unknowingly put themselves in a situation like that and struggle with what to do next.

But to answer this question for Johan and I. We had to trust each other. There was no other way of doing the relationship. I didn’t want more freedom from each other since we had the distance of the Pacific Ocean and then some between us. Haha… 😂 I hope that answers that question!

QUESTION: How do you deal with other people’s doubts about your relationship?

ANSWER: You don’t. Yep. I just said that. It’s so hard when certain people don’t understand. And actually at first it can really hurt and make you doubt or worry about doubting. Something these people don’t understand is that they when they ask questions like “what if he cheats?” Or “What are you going to do now?” Or “Are you sure it’s going to work?” It actually just magnifies your worries on top of all the worries you already have! That you’re not trying to think about. (Besides the cheating one. If you’re worried your partner might cheat on you… that might be a conversation to have! And a reason to find out why your worried about that!)

And I understand how it feels. People asking questions.

There was a time when I just got back from studying abroad and I came back to my college town. I went to a church group and mentioned my boyfriend and the pastor said “What are you going to do now? Break up?”

I was seriously insulted. It hit me at the core. For one, I thought A pastor would be easier to talk to about things like relationships, secondly, rude. After having that conversation I left and never went back to that group. Found another one.

So even though I say don’t let those “haters” comments hurt you, it’s not to say they won’t. You at some point will get a stronger thicker thin and you’ll be able to let it roll off your shoulders. And also feel sorry for those that ask things like that. I found out that most of the time, those people were just genuinely wondering and not really knowing how to ask anything pertaining to long-distance relationships.

Bottom Line: If you have a friend in a long-distance relationship, or know someone in one, don’t ask questions like “What are you going to do next?” Or “Who is moving?” Or “What if he cheats?” As all of these questions instill fear. One of the toughest questions we’d get is “Who is moving?” And I’m sure people were wondering about that. But we were afraid of the answer. We hadn’t figured that out yet, ourselves. So when a stranger or someone asked this it just instilled more fear. Instead, ask about your friend’s partner. Ask what they do? Or enjoy? Get to know them through your friend. This makes your friend feel more at ease! And they may just open up to you someday about the tougher things. On their own clock.

QUESTION: How do you keep your partner engaged in your everyday life without losing touch?

ANSWER: For me this comes down to two things. Number one. Make time. If that means waking up before the birds do you can Skype, then totally do it! I remember many early mornings where I’d be sitting by the fireplace with a hot cup of cocoa as the snow twinkled and drizzled about outside the window! I’d use the early morning before anyone was up so I could chat with my guy!

And secondly. Communication. Communication. Communication. I swear, I became a super champ at communication from being a part of our long-distance relationship!

With those two super champ skills you’ll be able to conquer a long-distance relationship together!

Don’t Miss The Across The Distance Online Launch Party

If you enjoyed these FAQs, you’re going to love the online launch party for Across The Distance – A Collection of Short Love Stories about couples in long-distance relationships.

It will be on July 21st starting at 10am and going for the whole week. You’ll have a chance to win many points to win 1 of 3 exciting prize bundles. And you’ll also be able to see some behind the scenes, learn about life as an author and a peek at what long-distance relationships are like.

To enter the contest go here!!